A long-distance relationship is one of the most demanding things that requires a huge sacrifice. Even though they are not for everyone, I feel like a lot of people miss out on the most beautiful love of their lives because they are scared of the barriers brought about by distance. A lot of people who have gone through long distance earnestly have found it worthwhile and are happily married or blissfully living together. They mostly have interesting stories to share, I’m hoping to become part of the statistic soon 😍… However, let me not even mention ever thinking I had what it took to transcend the loneliness. There are so many twists and turns involved and it demands great patience. Two years ago, I probably was the biggest preacher against “long distance relationships.” A year later I’m celebrating my first year with the love of my life but who is counting?
There a tones of things that make a long distance relationship work and a lot of determination. However, the success of these relationships lies in ones “maturity levels to handle the distance “ and most importantly “trust and faith to each other“ which are all two-way streets. Remember the saying “absence makes the heart go fonder?” This just shows and brings to life the excitement brought by distance and also its advantages. I’m going to break down some aspects we have used and some learnt from peers on how to sustain a long-distance relationship in the hope that our love inspires beautiful stories out there.
I remember when we started dating, I would look forward to waking up because I knew I would be reading a poem or a long text of some sort about how much I mean to him ha ha ha
1. Mutual feeling and commitment
Before we even talk about activities to do in a long-distance relationship, you should make sure your partner to be has the same aspirations you have. It obviously won’t work when one person is fully committed and the other feels indifferent about the long-distance choice because it stops them from even trying and all will be in vein. So, making sure you both are on the same page is essential as the kick start to the journey.
Just like every other relationship, commitment is key. Once you are committed to each other and bound by your love it will be way easer to solve conflicts and struggles that come with time and distance. Setting rules about what you want and expect out of the relationship can make it clearer and lead to less arguments. Knowing what is expected from each other leaves less room for unknowns which also equals to less fights.
2. Trust, Faith and Honesty
This is what kills most long-distance relationships if not all relationships. It’s a novel concept, easier said than done. Once you instil that doubt about your partner in your head it’s always difficult to erase because you have something to base it on. As demanding as it might be, trusting your partner is the key to success. I will probably label all my steps as “key“ but just picture it as a mansion and every door has its own key ha ha ha.
Long distance is so difficult especially in our case where we are 6 hours apart. At times you just wonder what they are doing and when they mention a friend of the opposite sex you always want to question the intensity of that friendship. And when they miss that FaceTime call you just get a little paranoid which is human. Therefore, I will say tell each other everything all the time to make sure you build that trust. In the event you’re not comfortable with one of your partners friendships, let your feelings be known especially those with the opposite sex.
When you learn to respect, trust and love someone from a distance, you will be absolutely unstoppable when you get together. Be honest about everything and that includes your feelings too when something annoys you say it out and look for a compromise. I’m still a work in progress on communicating my feelings but I guess the more honest you are the stronger your relationship and trust levels will be with each other.
Remember to always filter other people’s opinions about your partner. Not everyone is rooting for your success. Some just want to destroy what you have in the name of “I once knew what your partner is about.”
3. Quality Communication
Make communication happen organically and unconditionally rather than scheduling your calls and texts. It just doesn’t work well with me it then becomes routine or a chore and even when you don’t feel like talking, you are obliged to. This makes for a very sad and wack marriage. The other partner who is not “feeling obligated “ will start playing the “I’m sacrificing more than you” card and that never solved anything. On the other end we can’t be on the phone all the time are not slaving each other here, we still have lives and work to do which is mostly for the benefit the next stage, our relationship upgrade.
However, putting aside at least a few minutes of your day to make sure you talk to your partner about their day is a really crucial part of your relationship. It takes seconds to just write a “goodnight” or “good morning “ text and it makes a big difference throughout their day. It makes them feel like they are a part of your life even when you are miles away from each other.
Being in a long-distance relationship myself I know that some of these conversations becomes boring when you talk about the same thing every single day. However, embrace the repetition, get into the habit of getting into interesting conversations about future plans, next vacation destination or rather movies you both want to see. Get excited about your future together. You want to make sure you enjoy the conversations truly without distractions so avoid multitasking at times.
Texting is the most convenient way of communicating but it should therefore be avoided especially when talking about serious issues or resolving a conflict. Avoid texting at all cost when in disagreement. I mean I always read words the way I want them to sound in my head in my own tone. Just as they say “don’t go to bed in a fight” “don’t text in a fight “too.
I’m really grateful for the technological advancement in these recent years. I get to FaceTime my boyfriend or video call him on whatsapp anytime I want.
4. Express your love more to keep the spark alive
Whilst it’s easy to tell your partner how much they mean to you; at times we might just be reluctant to say the simple things like ” I love you.” This however breaks the rule of “action speaks louder than words“ words are what you mostly have. I remember when we started dating, I would look forward to waking up because I knew I would be reading a poem or a long text of some sort about how much I mean to him ha ha ha. I guess I didn’t really show as much appreciation as time went or rather, I got to used to it. I barely get them now which is one thing that attracted me to him initially. But what I’m trying to say is once in a while send those random texts on odd times of the day, it might not be a huge text but it goes a long way and it keeps everyone on their toes and it reminds you of what is waiting for you.
You can also do gift surprising here and there to keep it going and burning. I remember when he got me flowers for the first time that to me was huge, I mean considering that was the first time I ever got flowers in life. I get gifts now all the time.
5. Prioritize your relationship
At times yes, we get busy but like I have mentioned earlier, make time in your day and plan on special things that you both enjoy doing together. We haven’t really tried out date night but we are definitely excited cause that’s next on our agenda. One thing we mostly do is traveling together. Each time when I go somewhere, I do make sure to take him along as we FaceTime, I really enjoy those moments. You can also decide on reading books together or something like devotions or daily inspiration, the catch is doing things together!! I’m not big on reading though especially after I finished school 😫. Do you know even picking a “song “ you both love and relate to is just priceless. Ours is “if it’s meant to be“, it carries so much memories about how we started and what we still look forward to.
6. Appreciate time apart.
The goal is to spend the rest of our lives together, this is the chance you have to randomly go out with your friends and have those experiences as an individual. Once the time comes to be together it might be difficult to still get that alone time because of responsibilities and staff. Changing your mindset from dreading being apart to appreciating being apart makes a world of difference while you keep a count down together. This is somewhat not a contradiction to the later, but what I mean is keep the balance. Continue doing the things that you love as an individual and don’t compromise on your interests, compromise when it’s essential and doesn’t do good to your relationship. Don’t lose yourself in any form or relationship, keeping your identity is the best gift to self.
7. Put God first
I had to save the greatest for last. Let me say it like this, I have been in a long-distance relationship for a year now and I spent 10 days with my partner physically. I’m aware of his personality and attractive attributes but I don’t really know much of the reality (I still learn of his pettiness daily). We haven’t gotten the sense of the “actual” relationship until we are finally together in person and in each other’s faces whether we want it or not. But just as our couple song “if it’s meant to be“ by Bebe Rexha we trust the one who brought us together. I mean God wouldn’t have even sustained us a month into this relationship if He didn’t trust us enough to carry a good story to the world. So, praying and putting Him first is the master key that unlocketh everything to make sense.
Praying for patience. The distance might take time to be covered but always trust it’s temporary, God’s plan has perfect timing. Being patient is the only way to survive the times between seeing each other!
Once you have determined to get into it then congratulate yourself as it takes an excellent amount of maturity and courage to be ready to face this struggle. I hope this hits home and inspires and transforms as many love stories as possible! Don’t forget to leave a comment below. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? How do you manage it? Are you considering being in one? I want to keep on learning.
See you on my next one ☝️