Hey there beautiful people. It’s been ages 😩 and I know I probably have let a lot of you down with inconsistency but hey so much has been happening in the past few months. I had to let myself grow and breathe through the challenges and excitement happening in my life. In a nutshell “what a roller coaster ride it’s been!”
This has probably killed a larger percentage of long-distance relationships than anything else I have mentioned.
If you have been checking up on me you will know some of the events, I will take time to announce formally in the upcoming videos and articles. But today I just thought I speak to someone considering a long-distance relationship, I will talk about its problems and possible solutions, just as we have done in our dating and courtship period with bae. This is not for someone who just wants to give it a try, it’s for someone who is willing to give it their all and receive the end blessing (marriage.)
Before you finish reading this, visit https://justbeingmelody.com/old/how-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/ for this continuation to make more sense.
Firstly, let me say long-distance relationship are hard work and are not “child’s play.” However, the problems that most couples face are workable and can be fixed, hence long-distance relationships are not doomed. I know this first hand after a full year of living mikes away from bae who’s now my husband.
- “Dry periods”
This just refers to that periods when you both don’t have anything interesting to talk about. This is very common especially when you talk to each other daily, it might seem like you have spoken about everything that needs to be spoken about and there’s nothing new to known about your significant other. The fact that you have that longing-ness to be with your partner brings about such feelings. Trust me, the fact that it’s common doesn’t make it less frustrating!
However, to fix this problem I would say grab a pen and paper and write down open ended questions (these require full answers not your simple yes or no), questions you would want to ask your partner. These will spark hours of great conversation and just embrace every corner of it.
- Growing apart
This one mostly affects couples who have been together for some time and then distance happens in the course of the relationship. As individuals we don’t stop learning and growing and these experiences accumulated will definitely change you. It therefore becomes difficult to keep up with the change in your partner as they are growing without you. These developments usually bring about a slow drift that will cause you to grow apart.
This is therefore one of the most difficult long-distance relationship problems to fix. What I can say is make sure you communicate these feelings whenever you start feeling them, so that you both know which gun to shoot with. You might want to maintain your good communication and keep on learning each other and find ways to grow together. Regular visits and also assuring each other that the distance is temporary will help close the gap.
- Feeling insecure
We all are guilty of feeling insecure in ourselves and in our relationships sometimes. We feel threatened and inadequate here and there but chronic insecurity is much bigger and will cause yet bigger problems in your relationship over time. This means you can’t relax and engage in an intimate and authentic manner. You find yourself asking for constant reassurance, feeling jealous, accusations and demands also surface. Truth be told this will erode trust and make you look needy and you become LESS ATTRACTIVE.
If these feelings of insecurity always come and go, it’s absolutely normal and it helps to communicate your feelings of insecurity and fears when they show up. It gives your partner a chance to reassure you and get to know your heart’s desires better.
This has probably killed a larger percentage of long-distance relationships than anything else I have mentioned. Ever heard of a situation where someone is complaining about their significant other who hasn’t responded to their texts or spoke to them in three days? Yes, it happens! I have been through it. I remember stretching for a whole month without any word spoken in my previous relationship and I can’t express how much it can drive you crazy with frustration, second guessing and self doubt. I felt the need to revenge and the blame game also crept in, that’s why it didn’t work, I guess.
My advice would be to try to understand why this is happening. Is it a form of punishment or something? However, whatever the case might be just know that it’s not respectful to the person you claim to love. If you need time alone to think: just say it up front and explain before you just go MIA and in the event that you are on the receiving end, communicate your feelings too not to adopt a “two can play the game” mentality.
- Neglecting other important relationships
When you find yourself spending all your time and energy on your phone or with bae and it affects your other relationships it’s bad news! Trust me, you will be much happier if you invest in your network of friends creating and nurturing strong relations outside of your significant other.
When was the last time you went out with friends? Please do because you both need that time apart. At times I would find myself not having time to even respond my texts but once I understood how important other people are, I had to carry myself as always and find time for others. It even fixes our number 1 problem mentioned earlier (you have more things to talk and share about.)
Just as in any relationship, cheating is not uncommon. However, distance just makes deceit easier to hide and for longer periods. This is therefore the most feared long-distance relationship problem.
If you feel your partner is cheating you need to also communicate it. Usually people feel the need to cheat because there’s “a need not being fulfilled” in their relationship but at the same time feeling it’s not a big enough need to lose their partner over. Not justifying cheating! All parties should just communicate their concerns and have it resolved, but if you are doing your honest part and playing your role well then it means that they are just unappreciative and don’t deserve your might. I’ll leave these kinds of decisions up to you!